you'd think by now i would have matured.

less trashy television? Season 2 of RHOM starting. dream on.
finally reached goal weight? impossible with a 'promotion' at work and unpredictable hours that lay monthly unlimited memberships to any gym/fitness class to waste and limit working out to when it's dark outside, whether that's before work or after.
happy, healthy relationship? my last boyfriend told me, "Until you are willing to accept true pain and sadness as a potential outcome for an emotional investment, you will never experience true love and happiness." yes, he was smart and sweet and clearly quite articulate (not to mention hot) but there'll be more about that later. clearly i'm emotionally stunted as well.
responsible finances? i bought a house. everything after that is kind of blurry and involves things like IRAs and Roth IRAs and TSPs and all i've figured out is how to buy clothes and sell them on eBay for a profit.

i did make one big step,though, after reading the Power of Habit, and i already see it making changes in my life.

i finally paid my bills.

     if you happened to have read my old blog entries, you may be familiar with my fear of the mail.  keep in mind, there is absolutely no rational reason to be afraid of that part of the day so many crazy coupon ladies treasure.  i tried to overcome that fear by subscribing to magazines, but now that i have a subscription to US Weekly, Glamour, Newsweek, Cooking with Paula Deen, San Diego Magazine, Lucky, OK!, Fitness, Self and probably others i won't remember until they show up, i've developed a new fear of not checking the mail lest the mailbox overflows, dooming my beloved subscriptions to a life in the back room of some San Diego Post Office.  instead, i check the mail religiously now, but anything remotely unfrivolous or bill-like ends up in a pile that gets pushed to the side, buried under receipts or falls under the bed.  the problem with this [what i call] easy, efficient approach to bill-paying is that they don't go away.  it's taken me 26 years (i had a birthday or two since i last wrote!) but i've finally come to terms with it.  $795 for a red light ticket, $250 for my car registration, $208 for a TX speeding ticket, $625 for my HOA, $450 for a medical bill...and out of all of that, how much did late fees account for?  

$580.00

SO. a few days later, i was thinking to myself about how relieved i felt not to have those bills piling up.  of course, i'm disappointed with myself for letting the late fees get that bad, but all things considered, the pain of dipping into my 'spending money'/'rainy day' fund was nothing compared to the relief i felt from realizing that if i get pulled over in San Diego (and now in Texas, too!), i have an approximately 80% higher chance of sweet-talking my way out of a ticket as opposed to being arrested.  this led me to thinking...what else causes me daily stress, but stress that's so minor i have no problem forgetting about it?  after all, bills can't talk, and if you keep your voicemail full, neither can collection agencies.

here's what i'm proposing:
this bill paying business gets to be my catalyst - the one big [and this is a big change from someone who, when i initially saw a bill, looked at the latest late fee charge and just automatically read that as the total charge since i assumed i wouldn't get around to it until then anyway] change that really kick starts everything else in my life.  this is going to be the thing that makes all of the other things i've been meaning to do but never gotten around to actually happen.

re-starting this blog will hopefully be a great way to document my success [manifesting, obviously...if you don't know, you don't know The Secret and you should!] and remind myself just what i'm aiming for:
low-stress, high productivity living with the time, energy and desire to give back to the world. 
 - operation maximum potential - 

who's with me?

xx,

alanna