my couch was my ex-girlfriend

c had a journal entry due in his communications class. there were twenty-eight 'feeling' words, and you had to use them creatively, or something...so, we took a few creative liberties:

"While this is an extensive list of emotions, I have, at one point in time, felt this way while within my own apartment. You see, prior to my girlfriend becoming my girlfriend, my couch was my girlfriend. Now, sometimes, when we have company over, I feel a range of emotions, beginning at annoyed but quickly escalating to agitated. It doesn’t take long until I am actually exasperated, and that quickly rises to feeling furious, until I am finally enraged. You see, having other people enjoy the pillowy soft sweetness that is my slipcover enrobed couch makes me feel nothing but betrayed.

My couch was once an adoring haven, enveloping me in its heavenly cushions and stain resistant fabric. The compassionate way it affectionately absorbed my tears (and other bodily fluids) was surpassed only by its caring and gentle attention to my amorous advances. Our collegial attitude took a disturbing turn with the introduction of my girlfriend. It seemed like the couch felt almost hostile toward me – powerless to compete with the passionate advances of my sex fiend of a girlfriend. The couch was clearly confused, its tender, cotton-filled core astounded by the speed at which its usefulness had been negated. I, personally, was baffled by her advances, and while I felt amiable toward this addition to my previously lonely sexual practices, I realized that I was not being sensitive to the needs of my former lover.

When I explained the situation to my girlfriend, she was surprisingly quite agreeable. We decided to move our activities out of the bedroom and into the living room, where we were both astonished at how beneficial the introduction of this uniquely shaped piece of furniture could be. Once I had them both in the same room, it was easy to nurture both of their love buttons without being distracted by the needs of the other.

Instead of writing a message about each specific emotion, I decided to read this confession aloud to my two lovers, and unfortunately, due to their reaction, I will be walking very tenderly for the rest of the week."

I think there's an A for effort in his future.