reasons 1-3 not to weigh yourself on a rocking ship:

Weight 1: 148.4
Weight 2: 145.3
Weight 3: 154

At that point I just gave up. I refuse to believe any of those weights and am just going to work out now (FOR 8 MILLION HOURS)...because i of course had spice cake with my delicious dinner. whoever decided to frost it with chocolate frosting was dumb as rocks as it's obviously meant to be with cream cheese frosting, but that is neither here nor there as they recitified their mistake with SPRINKLES. fortunately my guilt is only medium as i slept through lunch and had two hard boiled egg whites and two kiwis for breakfast (= 200 calories). i just hope i don't puke @ the gym after eating the rest of my days' calories in like 35 minutes.

also, so my stateroom on the ship is across from the Commander of Troops's room for the Marines. It means the highest ranking Marine on the ship lives across from me, and when a higher ranking Marine comes onboard, he gets kicked out and the higher ranking Marine moves in. WELL, the highest ranking Marine below General was visiting a couple weeks ago, and i walk out of my room and turn left, and then am directly across from his open door. I glance over and see....FEET! the man has his full camoflauge on and no shoes, no socks, but bare feet propped up on his desk! i got so excited i said SIR! I never expected to see your feet! Well, he thought I was about crazy as I doubt anyone else would have gotten excited over feet but let me tell you...this was like seeing the president of your company with his bare feet up on his desk! something you would have never expected!! the only bad thing is that now...he's coming back...and somehow everyone knows i commented on his feet. awk. ward.

also currently loving Demi Lovato's CD - she totally deserves more disney channel star cred, such a talented singer!

So we've been underway for more than a month now - crazy! I can't believe that I'm slowly, kind of sort of surviving deployment. Things could be better, could be worse, but the most significant things that have happened thus far:

• told the guy that i went to vegas with that anything more then a professional relationship while on deployment was not worth the time and effort for me. too much stress, too much worry, too much accommodation for someone that i didn't really have much of a foundation for. his response? that he was worried i wouldn't date him when we got back to SD. that in itself is a little bit of the root of the problem - why do you want to date someone who is willing to avoid you for FIVE MONTHS STRAIGHT?? he's also done some very tool-ish things that were a huge turnoff - like handing me his fitrep (like an evaluation in a normal job, i guess) to prove how much better he was then this guy he'd been complaining about. how unattractive!!
• i got in trouble in guam (oops!) and wasn't allowed to drink or stay out past 10pm in singapore...until the 3rd day, when the CO (Commanding Officer) called me and the other people in trouble into his office and released us :) i did spend halloween on the ship, but that was because it was a normal duty day. bummer!
• i weighed in at 145!! of course, that day was my last day in Singapore, so i think i managed to eat back a solid 3 pounds. oops. i've worked out every day since for an hour and change each day, so i think i'm doing better, but it's rocking too much to weigh yourself right now. speaking of which...
• i ran 3 miles! i've never run so far without stopping in my entire life! i'm very proud of myself.

and what is truly my proudest accomplishment, i overate one day in my room, and as was my normal habit, put my boots on so i could go down to the wardroom (our officer's dining area) and just count that day as a loss by eating some easy mac, and then...took my boots back off, slid off my coveralls, and put on sneakers and gym clothes and worked out for an hour and a half! i was SO. PROUD. of myself. i always have a problem with binge eating, and even though i thought to myself, oh, tomorrow is another day, it'll be fine, i then thought to myself, ya, but won't you feel so much better tomorrow if you know you worked out tonight? IT WORKED! i felt great this morning.
so i'm back on the bandwagon, i'm working out and eating right, i have no men as distractions, and OH YEAH! I paid off all of my credit card bills :) everything i make from now on is mine, free and clear, for the next 5.5 months (with no rent or utilities or cell phone bill! just bank!)

what i'm missing...

this is why i miss my best friends so much:
"Haha so remember the time share that we signed up to visit last year at countryfest? They just called me! They just wanted to make sure that I'm still single and still making less than 60 grand a year. I said yes, my love life still sucks, and yes, I'm still poor. So they said, "ok great! Well just to let you know you still don't qualify for our program. So we'll call you back next year!" LOL! I was like, um, can you just take me off your list? I'm sure next year I'll still be single and still be poor... And probably the year after that too. Sooo... Don't call me, I'll call you! Haha, jerks."
- an email from Becky

Exxxcellent! Week one weigh-ins: 150.8. if i continue at this pace i'll be negative by final weigh ins!

Annnnyways, i'll tell y'all something very interesting...the boy that i went to vegas with a couple weeks ago is actually on deployment with us. he is a marine officer, so while it's totally legal and there's nothing wrong with the fact that we've dated a little, it's also not exactly the best thing to do before spending 7 months underway with someone you have to work with (albeit peripherally). it makes for some pretty awkward encounters as the navy side is all aware of his existence - a lot of them attended/heard about the pub crawl, so there wasn't really any suppressing that. his side, on the other hand, probably doesn't know - excluding the one creep-creeper who also came to the pub crawl that he worked with, i don't think any of the other officers know, and we both want to keep it that way because we don't want the really high up officers to know (if only because that means extra scrutiny and awkwardness). therefore, i really don't go out of my way to be very nice to him, and he's getting a little butt hurt! at the same time, i treat him like i treat any of my guy friends that i work with but hang out with outside of work - professionally! it's just pretty funny because our emails back and forth can get nauseatingly formal, because the creep-creeper is also their communications officer and can read all of his emails. oh, what a tangled web we weave...

annny-annnyways, i am re reading The Tipping Point. this book is fascinating! it has me obsessing over exactly what personality type i might best fit (if any - connectors, mavens or salespeople) and how i can apply that to my daily life and successful post-military career.

i've also been thinking about getting my real estate license once i get back to san diego. i think i'd make a pretty good real estate agent - i'm very aesthetics focused, i am very passionate about promoting something when i think that it's great, i love meeting new people and sharing things with them, i love dressing up and strive to keep a nice personal appearance, i'm intelligent and enjoy accomplishing things, but...i'm not. that. organized. it's actually one of my goals to improve on during deployment. at the same time, one of the girls i work with on the ship has been really pursuing having me plan her wedding. it's obviously a really appealing idea to me - i love, love, love weddings. i love planning nitpicky little things and keeping up with trends and incorporating them with other people's ideas. their logic in entrusting such a big event with me is that my co-worker has seen me do a lot of event planning and it would be my first wedding, thus being mutually beneficial. i get the opportunity to 'try' with someone who understands that there isn't the most experience in this field (as i'm not even married), she gets excellent work at what will be a very discounted price as i haven't really any reason to charge her the fees of an experienced professional. both ideas are pretty exciting :)

whelp, it's time to go record a little snippet about events taking place in our next liberty port that will be played on loop on the televisions all day long...lovely.

ooh good quotes

I love a good quote...or 80 million good quotes :)


These ones are in regard to how I've been feeling about work for the past few days - I understand I'm not stereotypical military. I understand I might not even be good for the military. But I have quite a few more years left in my contract, and until it's up, I'm going to be the best officer that I know how to be, regardless of the backlash for having a 'girly' girl in the ranks.


In regard to what may be thinly disguised jealousy over the success of my colleague (I'm very, very happy for her, and I need to remember that she worked hard, and that she and I are also different people with different leadership styles and personalities, both in and out of the workplace):

"Remember when you see a man at the top of a mountain, he didn't fall there."- Anonymous


When I consciously or subconsciously sabotage my own success:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people around you wont feel insecure. We are all meant to shine, as children do.We are born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."-Nelson Mandela


When I feel like I just don't fit in at this job:
"All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly, AND YOU WILL THEM YES!” - Nike


Obviously I've been tracking my struggles with weight ever since this blog started, so without further ado, my 'thinspirational' quotes:


"You are not four years old. You can tell yourself NO!" – Dr Phil

"Every bite is a choice." - 3fatchicks.com


"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." - Anonymous


and for all the times I've daydreamed about looking 'perfect' and remembered idyllically life at 133:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." - Thoreau


not to mention the times i've thought, "oh, just dessert at lunch won't kill me...":
Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better.- Anonymous


And best of all, the quotes that refer to my life as a whole - dieting, work, budgeting, etc:

"The only thing standing between who you are and who you want to be is what you do."

"If you have to eat a frog, don't spend too much time looking at it. If you have to eat two frogs, eat the biggest one first."

"Winners are too busy to be sad, too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated." - Darryl Campbell

"Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."




Yay! now I just have to copy those down, paste them by my bed, and hope they take over my brain through osmosis ;)

old habits die hard :(

so like i said before, i've been eating really liberally, to say the least. sure, i told myself it was to 'gain weight' for biggest loser. no. it was a way to excuse the reckless way i was acting toward my health and diet as a response to my anxiety about the upcoming deployment. just like i learned during therapy, i've unfortunately used food to disguise my emotions for quite a while. this morning i sat in my room, consciously eating what probably amounted to about 1400 calories worth of food over the course of the morning (maybe 3 hours?). that's more then i had intended to eat the whole day, and was there any reason for it? no! i wasn't particularly hungry, the food wasn't particularly tempting (things like zone bars and trio bars, which are delicious but not normal binge-inducing food). i knew in my head that i intended to work out, but that still doesn't make eating abusively ok, you know? Anyways, I finally got off my butt and worked out during lunch, and i'm really hoping that working out will motivate me and remind me that it's awesome to feel fit, not bloated and kind of icky. The other great thing about working out is that it's the only time i let myself read magazines - trashy magazines, fitness magazines, you name it, I devour it when it's on its little stand on the elliptical. The real question is, how accurate are the calorie counters on those things? If they're for real, i may have diminished some of the damage I did this morning, but I'm slightly inclined to believe that they're not...although when I get off I'm always dripping sweat. to the point where people ask if i'm okay, embarassingly enough. anyways, it was really scary to see how quickly i slipped back into the pattern and ease of binge eating - not the super delicious restaurant meal where you think to yourself, i paid for it, i'm going to eat it!, but the mindless, numbing, if it's there i will eat it until i'm not thinking about anything else binge eating. ugh - i hate how weak it makes me feel, especially when i think to myself, i could just put this down right now and stop! ha, now i hope no one is reading this - i'm starting to treat my blog more like a diary!

ETA: OMG, I forgot how many endorphins working out gives you! It's 945 at night and i am seriously wired! and i've been in a great mood ever since my lunchtime workout...i just need to focus on this and not on snacks :/

Biggest Loser Weigh Ins

So, I weighed in at 158 last night. 1. 5. 8. that is the second highest weight i've seen on a scale since my max, 166.5, sophomore year in college. now i haven't weighed myself since then, and a couple of the girls on my team peed out (TMI, i'm sorry) a solid 6 pounds of water, but i don't want to give myself any buffer thinking that i don't have the weight to lose. I have been 133 before, and i will be 133 again! Except this time it'll be a toned 133. i know it's a lot to ask for, but i live at my job. live there. i have no excuse for finishing my work and then watching a movie when i could be watching that movie on the elliptical. there's no temptation to go out to dinner or grab happy hour instead of hitting the gym. the only thing that might throw me off is a weird watch schedule or an event like the Burial at Sea today, but things like that are few and far between.

Speaking of the Burial at Sea, it was beautiful - what an honor to be part of it, and especially to run it! Everyone was in their Dress Blues, it was a stunningly sunny day, and nobody tripped or dropped an urn - what more can an event coordinator ask for?

blah blah blah

and in what can only be described as a super frustrating move, last night one of my bosses decided to move one of my meetings (that i run and host and he has nothing to do with) to a different time slot without telling me! the reason i'm so frustrated about it is that it's our first one of deployment, and for me to advertise what eventually became the wrong time makes me look incompetent and ill prepared! ugh!
ok, that's out of my system...we're also doing a burial at sea tomorrow, and let me tell you, that is going to be the DEATH of me (he he he i've been saving that one).
anyways, weigh-ins tonight...all of this "guilt-free" eating is going to be really hard to stop once i've actually stepped on the scale and come to terms with how much i've put on in the past few weeks - everyone knows you have to have your 'last meal' before deployment, and i unfortunately did that for a week straight. i'll make sure to post stats and measurements in a few hours!
finally, this morning while getting out of the shower, i opened the door to the shower room so quickly that i hit the hooks that hold our towels. these hooks rotate. i managed to hit the hooks so hard they bounced into my forehead, bounced back against the door, and swung back to a stop on my then-bruised forehead. at least i can see the humor in that ;)

biggest loser!

great news! the biggest loser starts again at work tomorrow - it's so different to actually live where you work for long stretches of time, and obviously the longest stretches are yet to come! so far the longest i've ever been underway without pulling into port has been 3 weeks...this deployment is supposed to be for much longer, obviously. fortunately, there are always tons of activities to keep us busy, and i run MWR (morale, welfare and recreation), and one of my good girlfriends, Joy, runs CFL (command fitness league, or something..i don't know what the l stands for). anyways, that means we can work together to develop great prizes for fitness related events. i think the prize for this year's biggest loser winner might be something sweet, like a spa package!
i'll make sure to post my weigh in stats tomorrow after weigh ins...i've been eating everything i possibly can and want to in order to pack on some pounds beforehand - the way it works is that it's by body percentage, not pounds lost, so the heavier i am at weigh ins, the more weight i have to lose and the higher percentage it will be once it's lost. it sounds silly, but eating a lot of salty foods and drinking tons of water right beforehand is a great way to kind of swing it to your advantage. i know that also sounds kind of dishonest, but if you know everyone else is doing it, then you're basically at a disadvantage if you don't!
as a piggyback on my last post, though, i realized that this is the first time i've eaten starches (pasta and rice) in public at work in as long as i can remember. that's not to say that i traditionally don't eat starches - i live off of slimfast bars, it's just that i don't eat them in public. i have a feeling that's something i need to explore a little bit more of. why am i so worried about people seeing me eat non-healthy foods? i don't judge other people when they eat them!

I'll leave you with something a little more upbeat - the guy i went to vegas with recently asked me what my dream car was, and i got to thinking...how does a 2009 Alpine White BMW M6 convertible sound to anyone else? yes please!

I also have a couple CD's to recommend: if you're a country fan, Jason Aldean's new CD, Wide Open, is amazing! I'd also recommend the new Colbie Caillat CD, Breakthrough (Deluxe Edition), and if you don't have her first one, it's also amazing.

Biggest Loser, here I come! And after stalking a few blogs recently, I have to say that I might order Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred - the results look incredible!

serious confession session

so i've been exploring some blogs through SITS, and i've stumbled upon a lot of weight loss blogs. everyone's openness and honesty have really inspired me to be more honest on my blog (despite the fact i know a few of my friends occasionally read it). similarly, a conversation i had with an old boss during lunch today (during which i kind of felt like he was prying, but i've been to so much counseling on it that i'm pretty used to being honest) really hit home that my neurosis is a little unhealthy.
basically, i've always had a poor body image, although if i look at the clothes that i'm still wearing from high school, i genuinely couldn't have been that big or i a) would be too small for those clothes now, or b) wouldn't have fit into those clothes then. regardless, i've always considered myself to be on the chubby side. a group of guys that christina and i hung out with (not so much becky as she had a boyfriend) revealed their nicknames for us once - hers was 'porn star', mine was 'kelly kapowski' - alluding as much, i'm sure, to my big hair and girl next door style as it does to my super round face (which maintains it's shape no matter how thin i get).
even super thin, kelly's face is round and proud!:

Anyways, one member of my immediate family has been heavy for as long as I can remember, and recently another member joined him on that track, essentially terrifying me that being fat truly is genetic and it's unavoidable. I also have suffered from victimization due to my weight (which, as I previously mentioned, has never extended past that of 'overweight' for my height). We're not really sure why (we being my family and assorted counselors/therapists) I have such an unhealthy obssession with my weight, but i have to say that incidents like the one I'm about to relate were definitely life changing for me.

I remember multiple seemingly innocent comments my mother's made about my weight over the years - telling me a certain shirt made me look like a little sausage, telling me not to wear sweatpants with a lighter colored waistband because they highlighted my waist and made it look wider, etc. But more importantly, unfortunately, were the comments of strangers. Here it goes:

I was standing on the side of the road, waiting for my boyfriend at the time to pick me up so i wouldn't have to walk down the gravel street in heels. I was about 8-10 pounds more than I am now (at the most - about 10 pounds less then my heaviest) and was wearing a dress and heels. A car full of boys pulled over as they passed by, stopping only long enough to say, "You're fat! I hope that you get cancer and die!" This was my junior year in college, about two years ago, and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Unfortunately, that's all that it takes to trigger so many feelings of inadequacy and unattractiveness that I become fearful of eating in front of people and engage in abusive eating habits. Fortunately, it also reminds me that I know that those people were not right. They were also probably f'ed up out of their brains on drugs, huge assholes, and they probably had small penises (hehe). Regardless, a few too many comments like that, to someone like me, really start to build up, so I have to read y'all's blogs to remind me that there are healthy attitudes toward eating - attitudes that do it for you, not because you're scared of being out in public and having someone point at you or make a rude comment behind their hand when you walk by (I've been the recipient of all, believe me). I leave you with this comment, borrowed from Jen over at Prior Fat Girl, who I found through Katie over at The Skinny on Getting Skinny:

"Recognize that anything worth having is worth fighting for. Good health, vitality, more energy, more confidence, better sex, great abs, a tight ass - you either want 'em or you don't. You can continue plodding along in your life feeling like your not living up to your glorious potential or you can dedicate yourself to creating the life you want. F*ck excuses about not having the time or the money. You spend forty hours a week working, or more if you are a working mom. Certainly your health and your body and you are more important than anything else in your life. You are worthless to your colleagues, friends, and family if you do not value yourself enough to take care of you. Yes, you have to put yourself before your friends, parents, boyfriend, husband and even your children."

Sorry that I haven't been commenting very much - it takes forever for things to load while we're underway!

problem with living in small spaces: if someone has stinky feet, it's very noticeable.

today my roommate heard someone throwing up (we're next to the bathrooms - good for showers, bad for sound effects). she called down to medical, assuming the person was violently ill (not considering it was the second day underway and it was probably sea sickness). meanwhile, my other roommate was walking down the hallway and ran into austin, who was about to go to the bathroom. my roommate said, 'gosh, it sounds like someone's really feeling it!'. austin looked at her, turns, and gets sick all over the bathroom door!! then, he opened the door to go inside to get sick in the toilet, didn't make it, but does reveal that the person who's actually getting sick is no one else but...our doctor.

welcome to deployment :)

time to deploy. seriously.

reasons i have nearly sabotaged my own life as of late:
1) forgot to pay my storage unit bill. still haven't been to my storage unit to see whether or not they realize i forgot to pay it. ok honestly, i kind of forgot i had it. and now that i'm thinking about how i'd better get there, i'm realizing that my keys were actually in the purse that was lost at stagecoach, so i'm going to have to buy a pair of boltcutters. lovely.
2) gave the wrong debit card at shore club (my homeport...aka the bar i'm at 3/7 nights a week), thus making them think i was trying to stiff the bill. oops. even had to borrow cab money home because i was too blind/fuzzy eyed to see my correct card in my wallet.
3) um. this one's kind of embarassing. sent a few completely incoherent texts to guys i liked. not even drunk texts...more like T9 word incomprehensible texts. really unfortunate as i'm usually fairly literate.
4) kind of sort of left all my packing to the last minute. like tomorrow and the next day. and i'm on duty today (can't get off the ship) and tomorrow's an actual work day.
5) neglected to update my registration on my car. x2 tickets. still haven't done it.
6) kind of sort of didn't really understand my car...i.e. ignored the light on the dashboard that one of the guys at work explained meant 'low air pressure' and assumed because there was no 'change oil on xx-xx-xxxx' sticker, i never had to change the oil. while i'm really confessing my sins, i haven't had windshield wiper blades for like 4 months. this is a 2007 fully loaded white jetta (my dream car) that probably won't run when i get back. oops.

i'm sure my list could go on, but i don't want to depress myself. what better semi-anonymous confession forum then a blog, right? annnyways, despite how scared i am of it (i don't even know why! it's an inanimate event! it's not like deployment itself could scare me), i think now's kind of a good time to take a break from my crazy life!

birthday/labor day/deployment ...

So, basic highlights of my life in the past month as i prepare for our 7 month deployment...

1) my 23rd birthday party! it was a golf/tennis themed bar crawl. this is pretty much one of the few appropriate pictures i can post as the guys decided it would be nice to wear very short, very tight, very...'stuffed' shorts.

2) the White Party! it's the second year these guys have had it and they really went overboard with it (P.S. I don't even remember the name of that guy between Christina and I...oh well!)...they had a dj, the ceiling was covered in balloons, they hired a bartender to pour champagne, and everyone looked soooo beautiful.

3) The Nickelback concert! Hinder opened for them and it was really good...as you can tell I had a little too much fun at some points and took a wee nap. Unfortunately that's par for the course with me and concerts. C'est la vie!4) Christina and I went on liquid diets. Unfortunately it worked fairly well, bringing me down to a nice 139.5...135 is my constant goal weight (i'm 5'8) but i'm usually somewhere between 140 and 144. since going back to consuming solid foods (i.e. having to go back to work), i'm back to normal. darn.

5) so sad!!! the last day the trifecta was united before Christina went on vacation, I leave for deployment, and Becky potentially gets transferred to Japan! This cannot possibly happen again until December of next year, when Becky might make it back to San Diego. So depressing!

6) and all that's left...Becky and I, enjoying one of our last few moments at shore club. today will be my last Sunday Funday for a long time!!

7) Made it to Vegas for a couple of days before deployment...went with a really sweet guy so we'll see how that goes...don't want to say too much!!

8) and finally, Becky and I's last night out together, bummed because we had to wait in line.

I know, picture montages are never the best posts, but hey, if i'm writing this blog as something for me to look @ while i'm deployment so i can remember how much fun i had back in SD (and why i do this job!!) then picture montages are the best for me :) We're almost at the one year anniversary of my leaving Chad (the evil abusive one) so that, in itself, is a cause to celebrate!!

YAY!

yay yay yay!! i passed my first qualification that was on my to do list!! i am CICWO qualified!! this is super duper exciting for me and puts me on the right path for advancement!! yay!!

the end of overeating

i bought the end of overeating at costco before we went on this underway (out to sea) period because a friend had mentioned it to me. back when i first started becoming a little weight/food obsessed (right around when i read skinny bitch), i did a ton of research on compulsive eating and why we like foods that aren't good for us at the university library, but the primary result was me becoming a vegetarian. the end of overeating goes above and beyond that - after the first four chapters explain the 'why' behind why some people compulsively overeat, it creates a series of rules that promise to help limit overeating. basically, to stop thinking of food as a 'reward' or thinking of it as a 'treat' or something you 'deserve'. instead, food is simply fuel. there is bad food if you know that once you start eating it, or once you open the package, you won't be able to stop until it's gone. bad food is actually engineered (seriously) to make you crave more of it the more that you eat - your brain really gets happier the more that you eat! how sick is that? i hate the thought of being manipulated by FOOD!

the countdown for my birthday and birthday pub crawl is near - only one week! i'm sooo excited...i bought a teeny bright blue tennis skirt that will hopefully look nice after this 10 day diet period, but i can't decide what to wear with it. i don't want to look too matchy matchy (it's a pub crawl for goodness sake) but i still want to look like i dressed to the theme - i picked it out, after all! i'm thinking maybe heels, a white tank/wife beater/climate-cool top, and a cute white visor? but i don't think i want to wear my hair up!! maybe pigtails? isn't it great when this is the hardest decision you have to make for a week?

i have a board for my first milestone in my goals list tonight at 6pm...going to take a nap till noon and then cram for 6 hours!

well, ITAP was definitely a success... becky and i:

it was very fun, nobody drowned (to my knowledge) and i had a reason to wear my new bikini :)

so two of the girls at work and i decided to do a mini 'Biggest Loser' amongst ourselves. we each had $50 riding on it so the winner would make $100. i purposely gained about 5 pounds before the weigh in (like that afternoon) becuase it's by percentage of body weight, and normally i can drop 'fake' weight like that pretty quickly. welllll my overconfidence was obviously a jinx, as i am STILL AT MY POST FIVE POUND WEIGHT GAIN WEIGHT and it's been TWO WEEKS! the competition is over in 10 days and i may have just screwed myself over - out $50 and five pounds heavier!

buying stock in slimfast as i'm about to go to wal mart and stock up on it before this gets any more out of hand!

when i grow up..

when i get back from deployment i will probably, inevitably, (hopefully, according to my parents) have to grow up a little and settle down. i've been in limbo ever since breaking up with C - 6 months in a new apt, and then when that lease expired i moved in with my best friend B at her home by the beach. after 7 months of deployment and no rent, i'll hopefully have a little somethin-somethin saved up for a down payment...and thus, today's list of things i'd buy if i didn't spend 3/4 of my paycheck on bills: HOME ACCESSORIES!

look at the colors you can accent this furniture in - shades like: bermuda, hibiscus, sunset, flamingo, seabrook red, camellia, jampalaya, fuzzy beach, gumbo, oyster roast, seabrook yellow, sun porch, victorian white, seabrook green, veranda, margarita, sea mist, lime zinger, mint julep, island blue, st. croix, key lime, sailing, beach, bayside, coastal, regatta...the list goes on and on. doesn't it make you want to order a million pieces of complementary furniture and have a palm beach style-color explosion?? all of it can be found at Mermaid Hut.
and now, i tell you my story with pictures...unfortunately i loaded them in the wrong order so this story may be a bit convuluted. please close your eyes and visualize as you read (i have no clue how you'd do both at once...maybe close one eye? squint?)

you step out from behind your beautiful bendy-flexy shutter thing dressed in your supercute outfit of the day.
this supercute outfit is only complete with a tibbon that you pull from one of the jars you have on the shelves in your gorgeous hutch, so you grab one to match said outfit.
then you take your keys from a dish on the side table next to the couch that you finally finished paying off (FINALLY. finally. finally. stupid couch).

and smile over at the photos you have lining the shelves of your absolutely adorable tonal bookshelf with plantation shutters, admiring how cute you and your boyfriend(/fiance/husband/children...) look in the photos you have taken every easter(/other brightly colored holiday that is unfortunately not christmas because red and green doesn't go with your color scheme...pink and green, yes).

you remind yourself once again that you absolutely have have have to get a cute candle or something to dress up your adorable plantation shuttered *other* end table...

maybe something like the adorable (whatever it is) you have on top of your gorgeous coffee table.

sitting on your awesome bench, you slip on your gorgeous strappy heels, and head off to delight everyone else in town with your FREAKING AWESOMENESS.

oh ya, during this adventure you also stopped to relax on the gorgeous, downfilled, super soft couch that you are SO HAPPY YOU'RE DONE PAYING FOR! [Z Gallerie, Palisades Sofa]

and btw, here is the theme picture for my birthday bar crawl invite...even if i'm the only one dressed up i know that i will be pleased :)

lest you think i'm leaving you with too classy of an adventure, here is my planned coverup for ITAP since i am currently the size of a pregnant cow. (or just a regular cow. i'll probably be the size of a pregnant cow once I actually get pregnant). tres chic, non?

dream a dream

jean over at Essential Luxuries guessed that i was in the army, and just for clarification's sake, i'm actually in the navy.

on to slightly more pressing matters: you know when you have one of those dreams and you realize you can relate it to every single thing that's on your mind? i dreamed that i was idly floating about in mission bay when a huge tsunami swamped us, drowning bazillions of people. my coworker john and i (who was my brother in the dream) managed to escape and fled to the northern states to avoid the water, accidentally stealing the regional MWR representative's golf cart and parking sign in the process.
1) this weekend i will be at InnerTubeAPalooza in Mission Bay. The idea behind ITAP (which I think i'm the only one abbreviating but i doubt that many people are blogging about it so i'm fairly safe)? San Diego eliminated drinking on the beach a couple years ago (I think this will be the third summer) and while it has made the beaches more family friendly, it's made them a lot less fun. the days of burying a keg in the sand and saying your ID 'wouldn't fit in your swimsuit' are unfortunately gone. Hence ITAP. Evidently once you get 8 (feet? yards?) into the water, you're allowed to drink again. While this was probably started for the boaters on the Bay, the ingenious men of SD have organized a huge event where everyone shows up with their own personal innertube, or, if you travel in style, a floating island. we're obviously going island-style so we will be able to see the MARIACHI BAND ON A PONTOON BOAT that arrives around 2.
- point being, does anyone else see the danger in a million (cough, couple hundred, cough) drunk people being ROPED TOGETHER?
2) i don't know why john was in my dream except that we've been working together a ton and i do think that if anyone was going to successfully escape from a tidal wave it would be john. unfortunately he doesn't drink much so the tidal wave would've had to happen fairly early in the day for us to survive. i digress...
3) yesterday i was driving home and there were people at the stoplight in a golf cart. i noticed the hot guy first, then the golf cart...then i thought about how annoying it would be to be stuck behind them. typical hot guy move.
4) and finally mwr is my biggest collateral duty so it RULES MY LIFE...but what is more fun then focusing on morale, welfare and recreation?

also this guitar playing girl is very talented - i wonder if we'll see her on american idol once she's old enough?

So, Lee Beth over at Love the Life That You Live tagged me to post about six things that make me happy...normally i'm really happy but i'm getting frustrated because i'm trying to google an award (in order to win it for of one of the positions i hold at work ) and i just can't find it anywhere! this will be a nice distraction!
1) SPARKLES. not lying, i'm sure you could ask anyone at work and they would annoyedly agree (sparkles and the military don't really go together, unfortunately). i looove sparkles and glitter and just shimmery things in general so much - i feel like a raccoon. the other day i spotted a piece of glitter in someone's mustache and creepishly enough it made me so happy to talk to him even though i really didn't care about what he was saying at the time. unfortunately it probably also made him think that i had an unhealthy obsession with his mouth, but we won't worry about that, now will we?
2) New music. don't you love when a new song comes on the radio and you sit in your car to hear the whole thing and then make a note in your blackberry to download it later? [listening to jason derulo's 'whacha say' on repeat, can't wait for the music video.] or when you have the best song stuck in your head and you don't even care because all it does is make you want to dance!?! (also another thing discouraged while in uniform, sigh)
3) Straws. any drink is sooo much more delicious through a straw (except beer). it doesn't smudge your lipgloss, it won't stain your teeth (it's actually better for them because the sugars o whatever you're drinking spend less time in your mouth!) and it's something to do when you're talking to someone boring...you look a lot more like you're paying attention when you can still make eye contact over your glass, as opposed to when all they see is the bottom of your cup.
4) BOYS. enough said. i am so immature this is embarassing.
5) People in general. i would waaay rather be waiting in line at the grocery store then be at home alone watching TV. i hate being home alone - i always feel like there's something more productive i could be doing (like standing in line at the grocery store, obviously).
6) Kindness! soo cheesy, i know, but what makes your day more and makes you want to be a better person then seeing a random act of kindness performed by someone? I was at Costco talking to someone near the ATM, and a woman came up to us and asked if we'd seen the man who used the ATM before her - we were both like no, sorry...except then I did see him and i pointed him out to her, and she ran over to him and gave him the $20 bill that he had accidentally left in the cash slot. She found a twenty dollar bill in an ATM and hunted someone down to return it. She didn't just look around and then pocket it, she actively asked other people around to track down this man in order to return his money.

Yayyy Lee Beth thank you so much for tagging me in this! Just remembering this story has made my day a million times better!

Also, my current to - do list that I have posted next to my computer at work (it's supposed to keep me motivated, right?)
Get [military qualification] qualified
- I have explored the jewelry at Tiffany as motivation.
Weigh 133 pounds
- I have signed up for the SlimFast website. We're also competing in the Biggest Loser here at work and i have $50 riding on it (winner gets $100...in case you can't tell there are only 3 people competing lol)
Get [next military qualification] qualified
- yup, more Tiffany.com
Win MWR Award
- the award I was searching for when I stopped to blog. oops.
Get [major military qualification] pin
- have to jump the other two hurdles first. goal date - december?
Pay off all debts
- heh. we'll see about this one. deployment should be helpful.
STAY ORGANIZED
- ya, another 'we'll see' one.

Have an awesome day everyone! I am really going to try to blog and comment more - we've been incredibly busy at work and our internet connection isn't the best, but what better way to develop a portfolio then to freewrite, right?

ETA: wanted to say thanks again to Tamela over at A Brunette Making it One Day At A Time for tagging me with the Honest Scrap Award! My first award yay!!!

just another business trip...

These are the things I tried to post last time - the Lilly Bowen Dress, the Shoshanna Bikini, and then another bikini that I can't remember who makes but i lo0o0o0ove:

so, if it hasn't become obvious yet, i'm actually in the military. i feel really nervous revealing anything else besides that as i do talk about a lot of other people in the military (mostly guys, ha!) on this blog, but it's kind of pertinent given that it explains why i don't update very often.

that being said, we leave very, very soon for a seven month deployment!! i am not really looking forward to it, except that it will be a great way to save money. it'll also help calm down the boy situation (hopefully. after seven months of "water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink" i may actually be even more boy crazy then i already am) and give me a chance to get really fit and get geared up to get some major accomplishments in at work. especially since my good friend joy (who's also a coworker and was previously classified as my cubicle-mate) and i have decided to start rewarding ourselves for major work accomplishments with things from tiffany. i'm going to start very small, because the first qualification i'm going to get isn't that big of a deal, but the Elsa Peretti Diamonds by the Yard aquamarine bracelet or the Tiffany Keys Heart key charm (so Kappa!! it's even blue!) are both more initiative then just the idea of getting qualified.

while i was at school i did meet two 'potential future husbands' (henceforth PFH's). the first is really, really, really cute and so well built (6'4, enormous muscles, tan, superwhite teeth) that girls literally poked each other to look at him when we'd go places together. i didn't have to spend a dime whenever we hung out, he always made me feel like the prettiest person in the room, and he didn't mind watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey with me. he was an absolute doll and just the sweetest thing, but a little too...questionable. i'm talking straight up, is he gay, is there potential that he might just be that great because he's gay, etc...now the thing is i know for a fact that he's not gay, but that doesn't mean he's not bi, you know? which is all fine and dandy but does cross him off the PFH list. i've been back from school for a month and a half now, he lives on the east coast, and while he's still calling, texting and emailing (he wanted me to visit before we went on deployment) i'm kind of, sort of..totally over it.

other PFH i met in a cab (like one of those rideshare/shuttle ones) on the way to the airport and we talked for a solid hour in the cab (i'm sure everyone else was pleased) and then sat at TGI Fridays at the airport for another couple of hours before our flights. he was just moving to SD and so i said i'd show him around when i got home. he is a supertall (point #1!!) dentist (point #2!!) who likes to party (point #3!!) so i thought maybe this was serendipity (oh, how that's failed miserably before). well, the one night we both had free i was baking cookies for a bake sale the next day, so i said i couldn't do dinner or a nightcap but he was welcome to come over and help me bake cookies. He did, but after two beers he decided that it was time to get down to business!! i'm not talking, "i know we just met and this is in reality our first time hanging out but can i kiss you?" but instead "come sit on my lap while i try my hardest to take your shirt off and maybe we should go to the bedroom"!!!! i was like WOAH. WOAH. WOAH. this isn't college anymore, buddy! i'm not impressed by the fact that you were varsity basketball and everyone knew your name...this is SAN. DIEGO. there are a million more of you and there always will be and the fact that you invested a solid hour and twenty minutes of your time does not mean that your "investment" will pay off! i finally told him that absolutely nothing was going to happen and i had to be up early tomorrow morning, so he could call me when i get back from deployment but i don't really see us hanging out again before then. MEN! WTF!

annnd i think that's all i have to say..oh ya! i'm having a bar crawl for my birthday and everyone is going to dress preppy so i can't wait to post pictures!! i only have a few more weekends in town before i head off for the big D, so hopefully i'll be able to make them count :)

Question: Why do Slimfast Bars warn you that 'excess consumption may have a laxative effect' when they are not particularly high in fiber? Do they actually contain laxatives? Hilarious! Does that mean no FiberOne bars in the same day as SlimFast bars? Could all of my diet foods be COUNTERACTING EACH OTHER?! That must be why I'm not getting thinner...

And now, for the very disheartening things I would buy if I didn't pay 3/4 of my paycheck toward bills (I calculated it. It's embarassing. Darn student loan!)...no pictures right now as blogger is being a bum, but basically this adorable pink and white zebra print Shoshanna bikini and the Lilly Bowen Dress :)

This weekend is my last weekend in town before I go to school for three weeks - it's in Providence, Rhode Island, which I hear is beautiful this time of year, so I'm really excited!! And, even more so, I'm excited because one of the girls at work met her husband at the same school when she went - I am not particularly interested in getting married anytime soon, but isn't that the sweetest story?

And if anyone's looking for a good weight/diet tracking website, www.thedailyplate.com is great, free, and will track your weight and what you eat, and you can also input exercise, and it gives you rewards if you are a consistent tracker :) kind of like gold stars in kindergarten!

the only reason i'm a little sad...

...is because if i actually had a boyfriend, I could buy him this: What Every Man Should Know ... as I put on my facebook status, dear every exbf i've ever had, if we were still together i would buy you this [the book] and we would probably still be together...except for chad, obviously. ♥ your exgf.

the current male status is as to be expected, that being that i spent a solid two week period hanging out with two boys with the same name spelled differently (and it is a very uncommon name, so it was kind of entertaining), but one has recently left for deployment. the other one, la jolla boy of previous posts, is in a unique situation...tell me what you think:

day 1 (fri): la jolla boy and i meet, exchange numbers, ljb invites me + friends to a party they're having the next day.
day 2 (sat): go to party. bff's becky and christina both come. c leaves early after meeting friend of ljb, JJ. after c's departure, JJ puts his arm around me while i'm standing next to ljb, leading ljb to shake his head and walk away, and me to tell JJ that i'm not interested. weird point #1 - they all know we're at that party because ljb invited me + friends. strange that his friend would try and swoop. figure friend is a skeeze, move on. rectify things with ljb, tell JJ that it's not him, it's just that he and C had hit it off and i don't want to mess with that.
week later (fri): hang out with LJB, all goes well.
day 4 (sun): c + i meet up with LJB & his friends for sunday funday, get embarassingly drunk. ljb's friend III decides to tell christina that he is absolutely so into her, and she shouldn't keep talking to JJ and instead should date him and become his girlfriend etc. christina denies proposal, obviously because she'd been talking to JJ.
above is weird point #2. another example of one of them trying to skeeze another's girl.
five days later (fri): find out ljb didn't call for a week due to something embarassing i said on sunday, forgive him because it was pretty rude. hang out, goes well, like him again, he invites us to party the next day.
day 6 (sat): don't go to party because have other plans, don't end up hanging out with him because he passes out by like 4. impressive.
week later, we've both been missing each other due to business obligations and so now we're up to date with this past saturday (a week and a couple days ago). a friend says, 'hey, a, come to this party because my friend who's throwing it's friend dm likes you.' i don't think anything of it and i'm like, 'ok', so we go. who is dm, you wonder? A CLOSE FRIEND OF LJB! who proceeds to pull a III w/ Christina and tell me about how much he likes me and wants to be my boyfriend and how ljb will never treat me very well compared to how he'd treat me, etc., etc., etc.! weird. freaking. point. #3. i thought guys didn't do this stuff to each other? it's gotten to the point where when i get back from work trip on friday, i don't even know if i'll keep hanging out with ljb, because this whole thing with his friends all trying to skeeze on each other's girls is just too weird for comfort! especially because i get an email from my old roommate, allibar, telling me that III has facebook messaged her and asked her to hang out this week!

opinions?! doesn't this sound like some kind of weird game to you guys?

the more boys i meet...

and of course, because men can sense these things, he called last night while i was out with la jolla boy. and i, of course, had taken him out of my phone. after one day of not talking. so i texted him and said hi, i lost my phone, who is this, he said [name], who dis? (i'm like oh really? you were a math major in college and you choose *now* to start using ebonics?) i was like alanna. (obviously what i wanted to write was DUH f***tard you just called me, don't lie and act like you don't know who it is). he said, sorry phone sucks where are you? i said shore club. he said usual. HONESTLY. WHY DO MEN DO THESE THINGS?
fortunately la jolla boy is just adorable and being very aggressive about maximizing hangout time, which is what i'm used to - if you like someone, you want to spend time with them all the time, not just randomly and with no advanced planning! la jolla boy asks about the next time we're going to hang out before we've even finished hanging out that time!

i'm stuck at work all day today but we're doing sunday funday tomorrow - start at an all-you-can-eat/drink champagne brunch and then stumble over to shore club for the lakers game! i hope everyone's having a great weekend!

ughhh

sooo i went to stagecoach. it was so amazing that i, of course, lost my entire purse and all of its' contents. miserable.
but more annoyingly, and what i'd prefer to vent about, is stupid constant calling boy. he continued on his quest to hang out (and keep in mind that i had lost my poor phone on sunday, he returned from his work trip that tuesday, semi-attempted to hang out tuesday/wednesday night, i had my phone on wednesday, he also semi-attempted to hang out on thursday night, but i was moving all week so i didn't do a thing) until...stupid friday and saturday, he just quit calling/texting, completely. i was seriously like w. t. f. a) this has not happened to me...usually if someone doesn't call anymore it's because i made it quite explicit that i wasn't interested in continuing to talk to them (not just declined their invites but like said no thank you i'm seeing someone else, or just quit responding to them altogether) and b) seriously wtf?! this is the same person who was so interested in hanging out he allegedly wanted to go to the grocery store! SO b and i are driving home from the chula vista pre-cinco de mayo festival on sunday, and i look over and he's freaking WALKING DOWN THE ROAD! and so we pull over and are like, 'oh, do you need a ride?' and then we give him a ride to the freakinb bar he was walking to! and he was like 'oh, you should come'. and then he texts me and is like come out, etc., and finally i end up meeting him with a friend at their apartment's hot tub (my friend and he live in the same complex, evidently). and it was fun and we made out and i left and that was it. well monday i hear from him in the morning, that's it, but i was at work all day so it didn't matter. tuesday was cinco de mayo, he invites me over to go hot tubbing but i was getting my car keys re-coded so i couldn't, and tuesday night we meet up and hang out again but i was being kind of weird because i was drunk, and my friends kept going on and on about how cute he was so they gave me major anxiety, but i semi-recovered (albeit not very gracefully, unfortunately). regardless, a little texting action yesterday morning, a little last night, except then i texted him a question and he just didn't respond! so i am so. freaking. done! i am seriously obviously very annoyed at this whole situation, because i really don't like investing my time in someone and *actually trying* with a guy who is not going to reciprocate! i think this is why i usually just don't try, but for him i kind of felt that what with the time already invested it was useless to just let it fade away before he moved away. clearrrrly, i was wrong. FORTUNATELY i didn't spend my previous friday-saturday phone-call-boy-free weekend sitting at home staring at my cell, and consequently i already have plans for friday night with a new boy, who shall be called...la jolla boy. even though he doesn't only lives on the edge of la jolla, it's still easier then calling him boy-from-friday or whatever.
ugh. seriously, though. i am never ever not going to respond to someone's text messages as a way of 'letting them down easy' again. it would be so much nicer if he would just be like yeah, i'm moving away, you're nice but really i'd rather spend the time with my friends. i mean, it would suck, but i wouldn't sit here and be like seriously, was it my hair? did you look at my butt from a bad angle? IS MY PERSONALITY NOT SPARKLING!?!?! (that was kind of a joke. except seriously i have a sparkling personality.)
hmm i think i need rejection therapy. ew.

stagecoach countdownnn and yayy!

soo excited, i got approved to take the entire next week off, starting NOW! of course, it's 824pm and i'm still at work, but that's neither here nor there. actually, obviously it's here, as am i, but that's because i don't have internet at home, and i just finished up with some of my work for the week and missed going to a comedy show with B and C downtown. hooopefully they finish slightly drunk and want me to meet them for drinks!

and yay, phone call boy is continuing on his plot to monopolize all of my time and last night, hilariously enough, as he drunkenly said his goodbyes, he said, "i like you" . i was like, "uh, i like you back?" haha i felt like i was in middle school but it was SO adorable! SO i am going to try as Patti of Millionaire Matchmaker says and resort to my healthy, pre-two-long-term-relationships-after-which-i-didn't-want-to-become-close-to-anyone-for-a-long-time and use her real honest rules! if any of you are a fan, you may be aware of which one i'm speaking of...the "no sex outside of a monogamous relationship" rule. it doesn't matter how long you're dating, how much you hang out, if he hasn't committed to you and you alone, don't do it! and i'm going to imagine tonight's episode in my head if i am even tempted, because Patti definitely told off one of her girls and i would never want to hear myself described the way that girl was! you should really start watching the show if you haven't - Patti's rules are basically failproof!

finnnally, i am FREAKING. STARVING. According to thedailyplate.com, I can only eat 1090 calories a day if I want to lose 2 pounds a week. which i do. today, i've eaten like 1120 and i am SO. HUNGRY. but the problem is that I was 145.6 this morning and if I'm going to be at Stagecoach, aka it-will-be-84-degrees-in-the-shade-so-you'll-want-to-wear-absolutely-nothing, i need to be prepared to expose a little more then nothing. or i need to go misting. i think i'll probably go misting.

have an amazing weekend everyone!! i'll be moving into B's by next week so i am sooo exciteD!

stagecoach weekend!

just wanted to start off by saying that i don't know about you guys, but sometimes people write multiple blog entries before i get a chance to read them, so i go back and comment on old ones and i always wonder if they read those comments since they aren't on the newest blogs? so yes, i still stalk a ton of y'all's blogs, i just may not be commenting on the most recent entries!
--
this weekend is stagecoach!! major highlights (for me) are obviously kenny chesney, brad paisley, little bit town, miranda lambert, lady antebellum and the zac brown band...hopefully i'll find some new music to love, too, but i know part of why i'm so excited is definitely spending time in the campgrounds prepping for the big concert!

And on the heels of my last post, I also wanted to point out the contrast between kellie pickler's appearance in her 'red high heels' video and her 'best days of your life' video. HOW did they not do a little better job for the former? She looks verrry TPT (Trailer Park Trash, according to one of my fav shows, The Millionaire Matchmaker), when she is clearly capable of looking glamorous! And I think she had probably lost more weight by the second video, also.

Speaking of which, my weightloss efforts are TOTALLY bumming me out - i have to admit that I'm basically half-assing them (unfortunately not resulting in the effect of losing half my arse). I really need to get back on the wagon because I'm creeping back up and there's no excuse but my own laziness. I'm not sure if part of it is because as it gets closer to summer, it's more excusable to fake tan myself, and tan fat looks better then real fat, so I'm not as self conscious with the extra 10 pounds. either way, i need to shape up, but i think what i really need is a ROOMMATE again because then I don't just mindlessly eat (i also don't have TV or Internet, so I really don't have annnything to do but shop or sit at home and read, whichhh i tend to eat while doing because i like to read while eating, and I think now I have them associated together). AH maybe that's my solution and I need to stop doing things while eating! Then I would get bored while I was eating and stop so I could do somethign more entertaining!!! I WILL KEEP YOU ALL UPDATED I MAY HAVE FOUND THE SOLUTION TO MY LIFELONG OBSSESSION WITH MY WEIGHT!!!

and p.s. things are still going very well with phone-call boy...he told me to book every night from when he gets back until he moves for him...and the sad thing is that i totally would. i really really hope that we get along as well in person as we do on the phone.

i just wanna free fall for a while

so, 'date' with boy from friday was very telling...i realized that sober, we don't have much in common/much to talk about. it might explain why i drank so much when we hung out at bars - i was wondering if it was because i was nervous, but after this weekend, i've realized it's because i'm bored and if i don't have something to say, i just put my straw in my mouth! so i don't think i'll be interested in seeing him very much anymore, especially because there is...

boy from in cahoots! best friend b and i went there on wednesday (it's a country line dancing bar with $2.50 drinks on wed. nights) and we were on our way out (to go meet boy from friday and his bud, but that's another story), and i met boy from in cahoots! he is suuuper tall (yay!) and very cute and i gave him my number (actually, his phone was dead so he gave me his, and i said i absolutely do not call guys, so you'd better think of a way to contact me, so he texted himself from my phone), and he ended up calling me in the middle of the day on saturday, and we talked for forty minutes on the phone...he wanted to hang out but obviously i was hanging out with boy from friday that night, and he left for a business trip yesterday for two weeks. so, you'd think that would be the end of that, but he called again last night and we talked for fifty minutes! i can't believe it! it's amazing how much i forget that you can have fun with a guy without going and getting drinks.

i am toootally obssessed with kellie pickler's 'best days of your life' video! she looks absolutely amazing and is a total weight loss inspiration. speaking of which, holy cow, who knew how much weight carrie underwood has lost since becoming a celebrity?

I understand that she's a celebrity and has trainers and tons and tons of time to dedicate to looking perfect, but it is seriously incredible what a transformation she's made. She not only looks more slender, she also looks incredibly fit and toned, as noted by her thighs in the second to last picture. i feel the same way about kellie pickler in the video, especially compared to taylor swift, who displays the toneless thighs of the naturally thin, which are also desirable but completely unattainable for someone who isn't naturally thin (and someone who needs to be in decent shape for her job). And thus, my Easter resolution is back on the diet wagon! Good thing about cutie guy from in cahoots is that he's so darn tall he won't be able to see if i don't lose a pound :)

happy belated easter everyone! i may not be here all week because i have a stupid trainer to go to for work all week until 5 :(

payday, please come soon

Dear Payday,
I know that sometimes you come early, sometimes even a few days early (thanks to holidays and Sundays), but this week, do you mind just doubling yourself? I'll even wait until the 15th if you only come fat and happy, because I've discovered a few things I absolutely have to have, and given the damage the bars are going to do to my paycheck this weekend, I won't be able to get them until you do me the honor of gracing my checking account.

American Eagle 'Favorite' Shorts - on sale for $19.95/pair - just long enough to cover where my thighs touch but not so long that they're bermuda style or anything else particularly thigh-unflattering:

love this nantucket red colornavy blue is so easy to match with!

you can never have too many cute/comfy khaki shorts - perfect with a white tank for summer beach days!

How stinking fun is this color?? Imagine the contrast with a good (fake, Mystic-style, since I never let my poor body see the light of day) tan!
Sugar Platinum Body Shimmer - $35 @ Sephora, $1.99 @ Ross (go me!) - absolutely delicious, super shimmery, bronz-y and beautiful sugar platinum body powder...EVERY time I wear it I get compliments on how healthy and shimmery my skin looks from men and women. If it's not at Ross I might have to start paying retail for it!

and of course, Lilly Pulitzer's Late Spring/Early Summer line. I just watched the preview video of the photo shoot and it's going to be beauuutiful!! so excited!!

also excited about 'boy from friday night' . . . i asked him a question and in response he said, "well i don't know, but i have been seeing this girl from va..." we've been 'seeing' each other? yay? haha i loooove new crushes, always the funnest, giddiest time :) if only the honeymoon crush phase lasted forever!

omg yay!!!!!

omg yayyyy he asked me to dinner!! boy from friday night!! yayyyy! haha unfortunately so did someone else (boy from sunday, a new character), but i don't remember meeting boy from sunday (i met a lot of people and don't remember all their names) but FORTUNATELY i declined his invitation because just like an hour ago boy from friday was like um do you remember that we have dinner plans on saturday night? thank goodness he already realizes that i tend to lose all memory function when i drink :)

ok also obssessed with these songs right now:
wild at heart - gloriana
sweet thing - keith urban
is it guilty in here, or is it just me - miranda lambert
his kind of money (my kind of love) - eric church
-- this one is specifically funny, the lyrics go, "i ain't got his kind of money, and i prob'ly never will, but i got a buck that says his twenties and his hundred dollar bills ain't gonna satisfy you forever, they can only buy so much, i ain't his kind of money, but he ain't got my kind of love." my best bud b and i were driving with her brother and her brother's friend (who i was seeing at the time) and when we put this song on, he (drunkenly) sang along, except every time eric church said "i ain't got his kind of money", this guy said BUT WHAT IF YOU DO!? BECAUSE I DO! I HAVE HIS KIND OF MONEY AND MY KIND OF LOVE!

...obviously that was a short lived relationship :) haha this has turned into a boy blog!

seriously, what do boys think?

ok, so boy from friday night has wound his way in and out of my good graces, but fortunately for him he is at this point in them. we hung out the tuesday night after we met (good), he texted me the next day (good), and then on friday night he let me know that if he 'made it out' he'd text me, but if not i was welcome to 'text him if i was lonely' (bad). i was like w. t. f., are you serious? if i was lonely, which i have never found myself to be, i would not BOOTY TEXT someone! GOOD LORD! so, i thought he was written off completely, another drop in the bucket of men, until on sunday he invited me to a bbq, then came to the bar i was at (since i did not go to the bbq) and waited in line again to see me (good), although this time the line wasn't moving so he didn't get in so he ended up leaving (indifferent). so his extra efforts (and the series of four text messages, unresponded to, documenting said efforts) rewarded him with an inquiry as to his taco tuesday plans, and we hung out again last night (good) and basically i really like him! ah! so now i have to play the stupid waiting game again and see whether or not it's reciprocated, but i think the fact that he held my hand (not initiated by me) for a decent amount of the night is a good sign, right?

annnd herein lies the problem, though. if he and i keep hanging out (and hopefully we will), boy from new york has once again escalated his efforts to come visit. he has been texting me and suggesting weekends and so forth (my work schedule is very choppy though), so what happens if he ends up planning on coming out and i have boy from friday night wanting to hang out too!? but i don't want to discourage boy from new york until i know that there is at least some fair amount of 'potential' with boy from friday night!

AND my weightloss efforts are annoying...i was at 140.0 this morning but i went out last night, so i know it was due to dehydration and not genuine weightloss. at the same time, it was verrrry relieving because if i had been as dehydrated as i was and still up around 145, i'd have been heartbroken. rumor has it the scale here at work weighs people light, so i may have to make a trip down and do a little experiment :) hopefully i'll be able to kick this weight in the booty in time for summer, though...i know know know that if i start working out more i'll get more toned whether i lose weight or not, but i am just soooo perpetually lazy! i ran a mile and a half yesterday and felt so accomplished, but seriously, i think that is like a basic human necessity and not something to be particularly proud of. i've been using http://www.thedailyplate.com/ to track my food and weight and it's kind of depressing to watch the upward climb my weight tracker was making, but now that it's back down it's more fun to track my food and try and figure out ways i can stay under my calorie limit but still feel full. i'd totally recommend the site - it's free!

i also just scored this little lilly number off of ebay, so i'll have to tell you all how it fits once i get it in the mail - i'm hoping flattering, not bulky:



you never know with some of the clothes, but i think this one seems fairly versatile and could even get a long sleeved shirt under it for chilly days. i'm really wondering about the length, too, but for only $36 + shipping it's worth trying.

just another (weekend) in paradise

soo the weather was fabulous this weekend on friday/saturday, and icks on sunday. i'll take 2 out of 3...although given that i don't have internet at home or cable, i stayed at work until superlate on friday just to get my weekend lazing around out of my system. good idea because i forced myself to work out before i left, thus upping my confidence so i could go out on friday night and meet a v cute boy! he has been texting me all weekend even after i accidentally ditched him at a bar (we went to a different one, he stayed with his friends then came to meet us but the line was super long so as we were leaving i was just like ok, bye! but he's still texting so that's a fairly good sign) and he keeps talking about hanging out, but doing that annoying "so we should hang out sometime this week..." and i'm like "ok..." - i just hate it when guys are vague and try and force you into suggesting something! i am not asking you out, boy from friday!
and that being said, my NY lover of previous post texted me and wrote on my fb wall about coming to visit, and i, of course, sent back a fb message about what dates were good (i have a very constricting work schedule) and haven't heard back from him since - this is like a week ago! wtf! why would you bring it up twice if you intended never to talk to me again!? sooo annoying, mostly on principle because it's insulting, but also more like why?! it's not like the random "i'll get your number at a bar and then never call you", i understand that...it's flattering on both ends (you're cute and at least vaguely interested, i'm cute and at least willing to give you my number, we both leave happy)...but this is just irritating! i'd rather he hadn't written at all! although maybe he discovered my blog and was creeped out, haha :p
and, i've gotten to that stage where i'm scared to weigh myself, once again. when i first bought a scale (we were never allowed to have one growing up), i was 166.5, a weight that is way too much for my height (5'7, almost 5'8) and frame. i started to watch what i ate and work out, and i got down to about 142. i broke up with an exboyfriend and went through that euphoric freedom stage where food was unnecessary and went down to 138, vowing never to pass 140 again. i broke up with another exboyfriend and got down to a steady 134, a weight i was ecstatic at (i actually got food poisoning one weekend and broke the magical 130, but i was really dehydrated, haha). since then, i've gradually crept back up to what i'm sure right now is a solid 145...10 pounds more then what i want to be. the problem is that once i decide to go on a diet, i start obSSESSING over food!! hopefully talking about it on my little blog will keep me a little more accountable tho...and not let me walk over and snack on the brownies i made for the guys at work. oh self control, where did you go!?!?!